As Youkali wrote in a previous post, April is the cruelest month. Spring in general, "sometimes, the renovation of life is an awful spectacle to watch. "
For me the most difficult thing is reiteration: remembering what I did this time last year, which clothes I liked to wear, which roads I took when coming back home, which TV shows I watched. It seems that my life, is in an endless loop: I still laugh when watching Friends, I am still trying to diet, I am still applying for jobs, I still don't know where I will be in a couple of months.
It is scary, and it is liberating, uncertainty. Reiteration though is plain scary. You feel still, you feel that you have not moved one inch from last year, you feel trapped in this awful circle of life, of season-changing, of sameness. It looks like a vicious circle, although common belief maintains that it is rejuvenating. After winter comes spring, they say, and is this supposed to make me feel better, that it is like that all the time? Maybe that's why autumn is better, because autumn is death, plain and simple, leaves are falling from the trees, leaves that will never be reborn, at least not the same ones. Maybe that's the way to think about it, that this is fake reiteration. Nothing comes back to life really, it just looks like it does. It is just things that look awfully like the previous ones, so you get confused.
1 comment:
yes, reiteration is scary. But isn't that what life is all about? How long can we go on avoiding routine, avoiding reiteration because we're scared that's all there is? I like to think that there's more than that to life, but any change will bring reiteration after, and I'm not sure about much, but I'm sure about this.
There's nothing to be scared about. Like you wrote before, just try for a good life.
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