People I know

It always amazes me when I get profoundly surprised by people I know, or think I know anyway. You have this idea of someone, you think you know who they are, how they would behave, how they would react to certain situations and then, they behave totally differently to what you thought.

Sometimes people surprise you pleasantly. They show you you've underestimated them. You think they might not live up to what the circumstances demand of them, but they do. You think they might fuck up, but they don't. You think they might get scared and walk away when the goings get tough, but they don't. And then you have to take a step back, reassess and revaluate.

Some other times though, people surprise you negatively. They show you you've overestimated them. You think they're cool, and they're not. You think they are gracious and polite and they're not. You think they are strong and honest, and they're not. And then you have to take a step back, reassess and revaluate.

How do you distance yourself from people that have been your friends for years, but have let you down. Not let you down because of something they did to you, but because of who they are, or who they've let themselves become. How do you tell someone, sorry I don't like you anymore. I thought you were better, I thought you were cool.

I find it extremely difficult to do that, because at the end of the day, it's not even the other person's fault if you misjudged them. If you thought they were someone they're not. If you, at the end of the day, possibly superimposed a different character on them, a character different on who they really were.

Or even worse, it's not their fault if they just changed into something you no longer like.

The circle

It's funny how the mind works.

I get this thing sometimes, especially when I am among people I don't feel like being around with, when I close my eyes and I get a flash of another life, a flash of being somewhere completely different and this makes me feel in my own little world. This makes me feel secluded, it makes me feel myself. But it is also a bit scary, I think what if they knew what I was thinking, what if all these people knew where I really am in my mind when they think I am with them... My thoughts make a small circle around me, and I feel safe and alone. It often happens when I'm back in Greece and I get fed up with family and social obligations. Then I just sit in my corner, and I close my mind and I let everyone else think that I am there with them, while I am miles away, thinking of what I want. Thinking in English helps: a different language makes me even more secluded.

Long live my second tongue then that makes me feel free!

Nirvana

Just a quick post from the heat to note the surrealism of Greek summer: as I was driving to come to the internet café of my village (which is enough of a surreal thing to do) I heard Nirvana on the radio. Nirvana? Who plays them anymore? Greek stations, it seems. Brought back excellent memories of a past life, teenage angst, first cigarettes and immature fifteen year old boyfriends. Memories of a life that is long gone, a life that could be mine, could also be someone else's.

Have a good summer y'all and listen to Nirvana again. It's good for the soul. Especially in the Greek heat, driving, with the windows rolled down.