Photos

Coming back home, at least for me, often entails getting distracted with old photos. I just spent a good hour looking at ancient photos that made my heart jump. Most of them were badly taken, out of focus pictures taken at times of family bliss. In them, I managed to see myself extremely thin (it doesn't even look like me), drinking a beer from a tin (I don't drink beer anymore ), hugging people I don't even know existed, hugging ancient boyfriends and hanging out with friends that I don't see anymore with their boyfriends that they broke up with in what feels like the last century.

I saw my parents young, or at least younger, my mum with a killer bikini body I never knew existed, and no lines in her face. My father young, with a beard, like I've never seen before. I also saw people that have died, and I saw them happy and alive. I saw my old pets, most of them dead, when they were young pups having their pictures taken constantly, the novelty factor not having work off (we got. A dog!!)

Sometimes it made me feel unreal as if all this wasn't me: I couldn't remember myself, the people, the place, anything and there I was laughing away, wearing clothes that I don't recognise and sporting terrible haircuts I wouldn't want to be seen dead in.

Some other times, though, my heart jumps: a picture works like an electric shock and I go back to the time and the place, I am back there, wherever there is, transported back in time. I am back being my 15 year old self, sporting a terrible haircut and clothes I don't recognise, posing for the camera, being on top of the world.