I know I said I don't want to get too personal on this blog, so forgive this post...
It amazes me how everybody, how I change with time. There are things that some time ago I really could not understand, but now I do: I still don't agree with them, endorse them or accept them, but now I understand where they come from. For example, when I was younger I really could not understand how people, who don't love each other any more, still stay married. But then I saw older couples who cannot define themselves any more if they are not part of this union. They are not people, they are part of a show, facing society as members of this couple-thing, organising parties together and producing children. And then I understood that for these people, living without love is not the most important thing in the world. The most important thing in the world for them is organising these parties, together. Forever. Romance?
On a quite different note, I know I am getting older because of the way I love my parents now. They are always getting on my nerves, I can always find negative things for them but I have this amazing tenderness for them, for all the things they are and the ones they are not.
So, I MUST be getting old...
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I guess in a way we're all Madame Bovary - waiting for someone to shows us more of life, more of love, more of excitement. When that doesn't happen, perhaps all there's left is organising parties together.
But I still think that love can be organising parties together and still allow for the occasional moment when you feel butterflies in your stomach. Routine can be nice because it gives love a stronghold, a safety - and love can still be there. But I guess it is easy to mistake safety, comfort and routine for love.
And it is true how family changes as we get older - suddenly, it becomes so important and so much a part of our identity, of who we are and how we live our lives. And we realise that we cannot escape it - like Elis Regina once sang, we are just like our parents. Always.
And this is nice, but at the same time so strange...
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