The obsession has started

I cannot work
I cannot think

This is all I think about

What can i do?

Back for good

The boom is left half-read in the bag. Five weeks and you're still in page 200 something. It has been transported relentlessly from the room to the bag to the beach every day, full of sand. It will get finished soon I guess. But no hurry, it's the summer.

All the bags have sea shells in them randomly collected by the beaches, they mean nothing during the summer but they get instantly precious when you're back. They get proudly displayed on some table back home: they are from beach blah you say when someone asks. Next year you throw them out. They are cracked and old. They no longer remind of anything. They are useless. They served their purpose.

The new post on the blog gets postponed.
Tomorrow, you say every day.
The heat has seeped inside your brain, your cells are overheating, you have zero inspiration. You watch no news, you read no magazines, all you think of is the heat. It consumes you.

You're in the airplane, on your way back. You look at your hands, the ring is still there, they look beautiful tanned. People around you order wine and tiny sandwiches for ten euros. You seem surprised. You take out your notebook, write down things, start getting organized, start putting your affairs in order. It's only August but for you the summer is over.

Until next year.

Massive Attack (the past)

In the empty office, deserted from my disappeared colleagues, I am listening to Massive Attack. The offices next to me are being painted, the smell seeps the walls. The heating has been closed for the summer. The office is grey and cold.

You are my angel, come from way above, to bring me love.
(Loveme, loveme, loveme, loveme, loveme, loveme, loveme, loveme, loveme.....)

The sounds are familiar, eerie, otherworldly, but modern still.

Some things never change.

Angel will always sound perfect.

So will Heat Miser (thanks Hallo Kitty).

So will Risingson (Toylike people make me boylike)

So will everything else, including the sublime Paradise Circus from Heligoland.

Repeat.

Life is dark but beautiful, when you listen to Massive Attack.

Restart

I have now started twice a different topic for today's post and deleted them both.

I am not sure what I want to say.

The first one was too banal, the second one was too personal.

I never managed to strike the right balance with this blog. I never know if what I write is too personal, and therefore irrelevant to people, or if what I write is too generic and therefore boring. Anonymity gives you some freedom, but what about my friends who read me? They know me, and I am not always sure if I want to write something so personal for them to read.

The other day, I was lying awake in my bed for ever, I couldn't sleep, and so many other times in my life, I had these brilliant ideas for a post, and never got up to writing it. Only thing was, it was about an excellent sexual encounter I once had, one that made me radically rethink certain things about love and sex and so on. Lying in my bed, I imagined the prose in my head, powerful and lyrical, strong and explicit, I imagined the whole thing. But then I couldn't write it, I couldn't bring myself to write it at all.

Can we only be free in absolute anonymity?

But then, I like sharing my thoughts with my friends that live all over the place through this blog so much.

Should I have a second blog, an alias of an alias, so I can write my dirty over-sexualized posts, dishing on exes and providing the world of explicit details of my life? Only, if you don't know who I am, it doesn't count?

I don't know, I haven't decided. Perhaps my need to discuss personal details will pass, or perhaps I will find a way to write my thoughts stripped from the personal but not turning into commonalities that have an effect on noone.

On vera...

Internet shopping

I found amazing things on the internet this week!

First a lovely brand of jewelry in amazon: Pomegranate

Lovely, flirty and gold! As Hallo Kitty always said: gold is for the summer, so here we go, summer is here and Pomegranate rocks!

Find number two, courtesy of the lovely Lopi of fashion architect, it's Maria Lucia Hohan.

Everything is especially yummy, but the wedding dresses are actually the best I've seen in a while ;-)

Speaking of wedding dresses, have a look at BHLDN, their new wedding collection is on, and I think it's even better than the first!

Last, but not least: etsy!

A wonderful online shop, to buy and sell handcrafted and vintage stuff. It's full of pretty, often inexpensive things, but the Takemoto wooden glasses are simply amazing!

So, have you been paid this month?
If yes, go spend it all online...

Happy spending, fellow shopaholics!!

Mama

I don't often post videos and i am definitely not part of the "cute cats" epidemic.
This however is amazing.

I am not sure what it tells us (are animals like humans, or humans like animals- cf. the ending of "animal farm") but when I watched it (courtecy of lifo.gr) it made me feel really warm inside.

Slow

Another week is almost over.
I sit sluggishly on the sofa, looking ahead at my empty day. I am not sure what I will do today, I don't have much to do anyway. Or, I do, but I have no brain power to start. I am sluggish too, slow, I only think of the summer.

I don't often have the time to slow down and think. I usually run around trying to do 500 things at once (and failing). When I was doing my PhD, I used to adore these slow days that I spent in my room. I used to work a bit (slowly, thinking about things in some detail and not just doing things) and then listen to a song and think about it, read a book and think about it, in general feel the things I was doing and not just doing them.

In this brief return to the severely underrated notion of sluggishness, I am spending my morning sipping coffee and browsing the net. I am reading on Greece and the situation there. It makes me sick to my stomach, I worry so much. My parents are nervous, my friends are nervous, and I am here. I have a good job and I live a good life. Nothing lasts forever, I know, and the UK finances are not exactly the healthiest in the universe, but I am fine.

I don't know what I would do if I was in Greece, I don't know what I would ask for.
I am reading, I am reading and I am still so confused. Whose fault is it? What can we do now? Is there anything that can be done and not leave Greece in ruins?

Thinking about these things, I despair and still I drink coffee and enjoy the sunshine and browse the net.
Fell sorry for ME.